Saturday, September 19, 2009

Rough Days

I didn't post yesterday, I just couldn't, the chemo really hit me hard this time. I guess I feel so fortunate, up to now with my treatments, don't get me wrong there have been some bad days. but nothing like this. I knew the chemo I was given last Sunday was going to be powerful, but you never really know how it will actually affect your body. Besides dealing with the tiredness, fatigue and weakness there is the stomach issues to deal with most of which I won't go into. Anyone that knows much about chemo realizes that it can do a number on your stomach, anything from you not being hungry, not wanting to eat or drink, nothing taste good, or if it does you fill up so fast. You have to try to eat to keep some of your strength up, and you have to drink as much as you can, this is how the toxins leave your body. The more you drink the more you go to the bathroom, if you hold the fluids inside then you have major issues, it can always run into some type of infection. Normally I don't have any problem drinking, I am a big sweet tea drinker and I drink alot of water, but with this chemo, nothing tates good, it is so hard to find something you just want to drink alot of. I am trying my best to be a good patient, but it is hard sometimes. Today my blood pressure was very low, it wouldn't even register when I stood up, they take it when you are setting, then they take it with you standing, I was so weak I couldn't hardly stand up and it was taking too long for it to register. They decided I needed fluids stat, so I was assigned a room and we got started, fluids, blood thinner, nausea meds, the usual routine. Today, since it is Saturday they sent us home with a antibiotic baby bottle, just in case my temperature comes up in the next few days. This way whoever is with me can hook it up to my line instantly instead of waiting to go in the next day. We always hope for no infection to set in, but just in case we are prepared.

Yesterday when Candes and I went in to the hospital I was so weak, she pushed me in a wheelchair, I didn't want to at first but I really needed to ride. There is quite a walk from the parking lot to the area of the hospital we need to go, including an uphill slope, I don't think I could have made it. Today I am still very weak, I wanted to try to walk it today, Clay and I did it together, it was pretty tiring but we made it. I know if I can and when I can, I need to move around as much as possible. 1) for my lungs-breathing 2) avoid the risks of blood clots again 3) keep my muscles moving. Clay and I are watching the Razorback game at the apartment tonight. I really don't like the feeling of someone having to take care of me, I feel so helpless. It has been a trying few days and we are not where we need to be yet, my WBC did drop to zero today, so a few more days of this before my counts starting going back up. I had to put the mask on today, don't want to take any chance catching a bug of any kind. I feel very blessed and fortunate that I have the family support that I have, I know that people have to sacrifice and rearrange their routines so they can take a shift with me. I say Thank You to them for all their love and support throughout this journey. I can only tell them how much I love and appreciate them. Schedule for the week: Clay arrived this morning, Candes headed home, Kara will come down tomorrow and Clay will head home later in the day. I have a Dr's appointment on Monday, I think Andrew will come down Tuesday afternoon.


  1. Dear Barbara,
    My name is Jean and I’m a volunteer with the National Bone Marrow Transplant Link. Our organization helps patients, caregivers, and families cope with the social and emotional challenges of transplant by providing vital information and personalized support services. We subscribe to Google blog alerts, where we found your story.
    Please know that others are thinking of you and pulling for you! Hang in there--things will get better.
    To learn more about our programs and services, you may visit or call 800-546-5268
    All the best to you!

  2. Barb,

    Just wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. You are such an amazing woman - stay strong & keep your faith. We are all anxious to hear of your speedy recovery. All our love, Randi-Kaye, Glenn, Kody & Wyatt